"I sit down before a letter or my journal with a desire for honest, but perhaps in the end I am the biggest liar of them all... because of the semblance of sincerity." -Anais Nin, Henry and June
Why is that all the pretty girls work in non-profit? I mean, of course, there are pretty girls working in other fields - waitresses, librarians, scientific researchers, and the girls in corporate offices appear fashionably gorgeous - but something about the girls in non-profit... These are the girls with the modest nose-rings, colorful scarves, and cozy and hip-looking outfits; clothes they may have thrown together in the morning, but which were carefully planned the night before while she peeled off that day's funky outfit. These are the girls I wouldn't feel uncomfortable meeting, but would be later dazzled to know.
I'm writing because I miss wonder and romance. I'm reading two books (I'm actually reading something more like 5 books) with incredible depths of emotion, with an almost detached wonder at life. The innocent self-awareness that plagues me makes me want to write but I don't know where to begin.
My cheeks are warm. Three glasses of wine, a spicy bowl of soup, and coffee. And conversation. I miss conversation. It's been six months since I've had a GOOD conversation. There's something very sad and lonely in me right now.
I was listening to the radio recently, to a broadcast about "the death of print." Supposedly, pundits have been predicting the death of books for centuries. And for a minute, I thought "how horrible." But I, and whoever was being interviewed, believe that books are eternal. Because, while news media may benefit from the immediacy of digital updating (Wikipedia, online news websites, etc), there's something not only physically beneficial to a "pulp-product page," but psychologically therapeutic as well. I know I process thoughts much more thoroughly with pen and paper than on a screen, and lengthy digitally-displayed texts are so distressing that I always print them to read them. (In fact, I wrote all this in my notebook before typing it.)
No death to paper! I will write if I have to chew bark and use my spit to make paper and track down all the world's pens like treasure!
My mom is moving to St. Louis in a month, and I miss her already. When she is far away, it hurts to know that there are things going on in her life that I can't know. Does that sound micromanaging? I only mean that a lack of a firm grasp on her life makes me feel a lack of a firm grasp on mine. And when she's away, I can't do little nice things for her, I can't ally myself with her against the world; I can't run to her with my medical emergencies that turn out to be bug bites or heartburn or bad gas. But I know she needs this. After 25 years, she must be tired. And my tokens - even though I've tried my entire life with these - can never fulfill her because she has to make herself happy. And one day that won't make me so sad.
I don't know that my long-term goals are fully formed yet. I don't know that anyone my age has; with less than a quarter century behind me, life is still seen through the back end of a telescope. Long-term to me is short-term. A couple years still seem like forever. I want to spend my life making intersections between my interests. I want to make a living out of anti-racism, art, writing, gender relations, coffee, food, business, social justice. How does anyone my age get more specific than that?
Friday, May 30, 2008
Wednesday, May 21, 2008
Shadows and Cardamom
I started reading Three Shadows, by Cyril Pedrosa, yesterday afternoon. Since I don't work on Tuesdays, I've been spending a lot of time at the library, wandering the aisles, hoping that a book will save my life. Ever since Persepolis came out, I've been reading graphic novels all over the place. I wonder why that is. (I would go into a wandering essay all about graphic novels vs. comics, what purpose graphic novels serve, etc. but I'm a little bleary eyed at the moment.)
Friday, May 16, 2008
Joie de Faire
So, this morning, as I was watching the news and eating my breakfast, Gus Gnorski (Fox 6 News all-around-fix-it-guy) introduced a craft fair going on today. Because it's morning, I rarely ever pay full attention to what's being said on screen, so I don't remember the details of where and when.
The woman that Gus spoke to was north of 60 years old, and describing the painted wooden carvings that she sells at folk fairs and craft fairs. I thought, wouldn't it be nice to go to a craft fair on this fine mid-May weekend? But I wondered what kind of crafts would be represented, and based on the age of Gus' interviewee, I assumed the crafts would be the kinds of things that 60-year-olds would make, buy, and decorate with. Which is to say, some of it could be beautiful, funky, vintage, campy and stuff I'd love to own, but I was (am) not quite sure I have the patience to look through it all in order to find those gems on my broke weekend. (What kind of crafter am I??)
It did get me thinking, however, about the nature of crafts and craft fairs. When I was in middle school, my class was taken to the annual folk fair, which was full of traditionally costumed folks, ethnic foods, and crafts for blocks. I love it, not only because of the crafts, but because of the celebration that it was of heritage. (I'm a big history and culture nerd.) But at the time, crafts seemed deligated to the middle aged moms, the retired grandparents, the old guys with a shop in their garages.
But now, in the last, I don't know, five years or so, it seems that younger and younger folks are getting into creativity, small-business ownership, networking and the like. And it's terribly exciting to see this new development of arts, crafts, and youth empowerment.
And so I got to thinking, wouldn't it be fascinating to research, not only this recent trend, but the history of crafts and craft fairs as well?
So I got to work and started my search on Wikipedia. To begin with, I love Wikipedia. I was raised by a father who enjoyed nothing more than to consult the leather-bound, gold-lined encyclopedias whenever some question was in debate, so the idea of a treasury of knowledge available at my restless fingertips makes me giddy. But it's a somewhat dubious blessing, because you can never be full certain that what you are reding is true or if it's the work of some righteous dilettante. However, in reading about the accuracy of Wikipedia, I came across the defense that because it is an online source of knowledge, the turn-over for correcting errors can be argued to be much greater than that of a traidtional encyclopedia. Because, as soon as an encyclopedia or dictionary is published, it's out of date. So, while Wikipedia may not be a valid source for the purposed of a research paper, it's my favorite way to learn at work.
Anyway, I didn't intend to go off on that pro-Wikipedia tangent...
To begin my research, here is Wikipedia's definition of craft:
"A craft is a skill, especially involving practical arts... The term is often used to describe the family of artistic practices within the decorate arts that traditionally are defined by their relationship to functional or utiliarian products."
The usefulness of crafts, and its similarity to folk art creates this rift between high art and craft. Craft, in its usefulness, is often seen as simply a skill fo rmaking things, whereas art is seen as original and creative ideas. An intellectual distinction was made at some time in history, and led to artistic snobbery that I've tried to avoid, but craft, it seems, is more democratic. (Gracious, sometimes I say things that I didn't know were possible to come out of my head.)
But many people have tried to understand art and craft as, not two sides of a coin, but rather the man-made side of the coin versus the machine-made side. (What a funny looking coin that would be.)
"Is craft, therefore, only technique, or is it the subtle amalgam of learning and skill that yields invention, fantasy and art?" (Plaut, 1974.)
The border line between the arts and crafts is, in fact, as precarious as that between madness and genius." (Hilton Simmons, 1969.)
The woman that Gus spoke to was north of 60 years old, and describing the painted wooden carvings that she sells at folk fairs and craft fairs. I thought, wouldn't it be nice to go to a craft fair on this fine mid-May weekend? But I wondered what kind of crafts would be represented, and based on the age of Gus' interviewee, I assumed the crafts would be the kinds of things that 60-year-olds would make, buy, and decorate with. Which is to say, some of it could be beautiful, funky, vintage, campy and stuff I'd love to own, but I was (am) not quite sure I have the patience to look through it all in order to find those gems on my broke weekend. (What kind of crafter am I??)
It did get me thinking, however, about the nature of crafts and craft fairs. When I was in middle school, my class was taken to the annual folk fair, which was full of traditionally costumed folks, ethnic foods, and crafts for blocks. I love it, not only because of the crafts, but because of the celebration that it was of heritage. (I'm a big history and culture nerd.) But at the time, crafts seemed deligated to the middle aged moms, the retired grandparents, the old guys with a shop in their garages.
But now, in the last, I don't know, five years or so, it seems that younger and younger folks are getting into creativity, small-business ownership, networking and the like. And it's terribly exciting to see this new development of arts, crafts, and youth empowerment.
And so I got to thinking, wouldn't it be fascinating to research, not only this recent trend, but the history of crafts and craft fairs as well?
So I got to work and started my search on Wikipedia. To begin with, I love Wikipedia. I was raised by a father who enjoyed nothing more than to consult the leather-bound, gold-lined encyclopedias whenever some question was in debate, so the idea of a treasury of knowledge available at my restless fingertips makes me giddy. But it's a somewhat dubious blessing, because you can never be full certain that what you are reding is true or if it's the work of some righteous dilettante. However, in reading about the accuracy of Wikipedia, I came across the defense that because it is an online source of knowledge, the turn-over for correcting errors can be argued to be much greater than that of a traidtional encyclopedia. Because, as soon as an encyclopedia or dictionary is published, it's out of date. So, while Wikipedia may not be a valid source for the purposed of a research paper, it's my favorite way to learn at work.
Anyway, I didn't intend to go off on that pro-Wikipedia tangent...
To begin my research, here is Wikipedia's definition of craft:
"A craft is a skill, especially involving practical arts... The term is often used to describe the family of artistic practices within the decorate arts that traditionally are defined by their relationship to functional or utiliarian products."
The usefulness of crafts, and its similarity to folk art creates this rift between high art and craft. Craft, in its usefulness, is often seen as simply a skill fo rmaking things, whereas art is seen as original and creative ideas. An intellectual distinction was made at some time in history, and led to artistic snobbery that I've tried to avoid, but craft, it seems, is more democratic. (Gracious, sometimes I say things that I didn't know were possible to come out of my head.)
But many people have tried to understand art and craft as, not two sides of a coin, but rather the man-made side of the coin versus the machine-made side. (What a funny looking coin that would be.)
"Is craft, therefore, only technique, or is it the subtle amalgam of learning and skill that yields invention, fantasy and art?" (Plaut, 1974.)
The border line between the arts and crafts is, in fact, as precarious as that between madness and genius." (Hilton Simmons, 1969.)
Thursday, May 15, 2008
There was a little girl
There was a little girl
Who had a little curl
Right in the middle of her forehead
When she was good
She was very good indeed
But when she was bad she was horrid
-Longfellow
Who had a little curl
Right in the middle of her forehead
When she was good
She was very good indeed
But when she was bad she was horrid
-Longfellow
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