Tuesday, February 16, 2010

Mardi Gras, anyway

So, having finally managed to eat a meal at Local Harvest Cafe on Morgan Ford, I'm feeling a bit community-fuzzy.  In a good way, of course.  Valentine's Day, before noon, and the place was packed.  I turned to Mike and said, "so this is where all the young folks are hiding."  The clientele was all roughly our age and persuasion: 20-somethings, neatly yet indy-pendently dressed, some bearded, some bespectacled, lots of colorful scarves.  Conversations about Mardi Gras madness (avoiding it), and organic foods (seeking it out).  The tables were so densely packed that it was difficult not to join the conversations of diners sitting beside you.  So we did; join. 
 
"Did you do Mardi Gras?"
"I've never gone."
"I don't want to break the streak."

Even a well-timed, intelligent nod was welcomed.  The type of people I want to know; and in the continuing theatre of life, I know characters much like them on my own stage.  Somehow, I keep thinking, I have to make my way into this community.

Anyway, the menu was just as inviting.  The short brunch list included the meals Mike and I ordered: homemade veggie burger, and stuffed French toast.  The burger, I keep saying, was the best I've ever had.  A mash of black beans, and a soft vegetable cake, homemade mayo, lettuce: the works.  Savory, chewy, nourishing.  Mike's French toast made of local handcrafted brown bread layered with cream cheese, chopped nuts, and soaked in maple syrup.  The menu consisted of locally smoked meats, organic and locally grown vegetables, free range eggs and grass-fed dairy.  The walls, just as crowded with literature as the floor with diners.  What's local?  What's organic?  Who do we source from?

More on the Saint Louis locavore movement to come.
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Monday, February 15, 2010

Olympic Musing

The Olympics started on Friday night.  We weren't home for the opening ceremonies, but have watched parts of many of the competitions since then.  Mike has said that his mom loves the Olympics because of the special-interest stories; where he or she is from, what adversity, what opportunity has gotten him or her to this place in the nick of time.  The way I was raised, these stories were always scorned as competitive melodrama, but it's nice to think of them positively.

More later.
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Tuesday, December 15, 2009

There's something about education reform, about educational value systems, and lopsided and impersonal education that preoccupies me and that I want to investigate. Do personal tutoring and homeschooling create more well-rounded pupils, more well-rounded citizens and compassionate characters? Can we create systems that equally value all ways of learning, all personal interests and still fully educate students in all subjects? Can we encourage kids, boys AND girls, to have the confidence and the knowledge-base to purse what futures they will?

Why, if I want to go into business, can't I? Why does a test stop me Why aren't there viable alternatives or affordable methods to pursue traditional means?

Perhaps this test, this math score, tells me that I wold struggle, maybe needlessly in their eyes, at business school. Accounting might just stump me completely. This test tells me that those educators won't want to waste their time on someone like me, with a compassionate yet mathematically illogical mind. I must, therefore, seek alternative routes to my future. A future that involves collaboration as well as innovation, compassion as well as logic, and revolution as well as standard practices.

I'm heartbroken that my attempt at traditional methods was not wholly successful. And I'm trying to remind myself that, in view of all of the above, I am not stupid.

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Thursday, June 11, 2009

...is back at it again


I'm flirting with Tropic of Cancer right now, and want to be a beautiful writer again. This life of the bohemian, the hobo literature - I want the bravery to strike out with a pocketful of coins and a packed bag full of underwear and blank notebooks.


Henry Miller does successfully what I think Jack Kerouac attempted and failed - at least in capturing my attention - to exploit the beauty of stream of consciousness writing.


It's helpful, I think, that I've read Anais Nin before Henry Miller. Nin has softened my opinion of Miller's bravado. Kerouac always seemed like a chauvenist, but perhaps it was a literary pose, and he was as delicate as Miller.

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Tuesday, January 6, 2009

Now What?

I haven't been writing lately, on- or off-line. I've had a lot of trouble concentrating, really. When I try to lay down my thoughts, I'm daunted by a sense of, well, trite-ness. All I manage to write about lately are accounts of various events, and even those remain half-finished. I've considered a daily blog or journal entry, to keep some creative juices flowing, but feel unmotivated or unworthy or something. Life is so much more than I have time to devote writing about.

Which isn't to say that I'm not enjoying life. Far from it. I've been in a whirlwind life in the last few weeks. I'm working full time (well, I'm AT work full-time, that doesn't quite mean I'm busy full-time... this is why I'm frustrated and ready to go back to school). I've registered for two courses at UWM (Business Math and Entrepreneurship; thrilled and horrified at the idea of entering Academia again). My parents have promised to pay for my ticket to visit Austin and UT-Austin in March, so I've got a vacation looming on my spring horizons. And I've started a relationship with the most intelligent and mature boy I've dated yet.

All of this terrified me at first. I spent a few weeks gripping the moorings like a drunken sailor, panicking and thinking this wasn't the life I prepared for. A music major somehow became a film student who is now preparing for business school. Music and food and race and writing, and it's scary putting aside daydreams but not losing them? Or making them into viable options somehow requires doing tedious things? Do what you have to do in order to do what you want to do.

So, I don't know. We'll see what the upcoming days will bring.

Wednesday, December 31, 2008

Best of 2008: Films

My eyes are a bit bleary this morning; deep dark circles make me look ill, I think. I slept on the couch - the house was empty, and I'd told Z to stay at home so that I could sleep in peace. And so I pulled my comforter off of my bed, threw all the sofa pillows on the floor, and curled into a tight ball, squashed by the eager advances of the dog. He loves to sleep under the covers too, you see.

I woke up once, stretched out and sweating, and I remember dreaming but I don't remember what. The night before, drawn low by medication withdrawal, I dreamt wretched dreams, awakened by Z's Arabic somniloquy. I sleep badly regardless. Always tired, never resting, always on the go...

I'm writing because we're about to ring in the new year. Nothing momentous about 2009 - we have survived snow and floods and biblical disasters, and here comes 2009. Nothing special, only that I will be 25 and Barack Obama will be our next president.

I'm writing because everyone else seems to be. Compiling "Best of 2008" lists, assessing the year behind us, making New Year's Resolutions, and I feel I must include my own opinions. Before midnight, I want some contemplation of my own. Now seems the time to address what we are thankful for, what we have endured and triumphed over, and not on the misguided and manufactured patriotism of Thanksgiving day.

I'll start with a best of 2008 movies. I think that's the easiest to compile.

I always feel like I never see as many movies as I'd like, but it's surprising how many I can list. Of movies that were released in 2008:

  • Be Kind, Rewind
  • Penelope
  • The Visitor
  • Iron Man
  • The Fall
  • Wall-E
  • The Dark Knight
  • Tropic Thunder
  • Burn After Reading
  • Synecdoche, NY
  • Milk
  • The Spirit

I used to keep a movie journal, in which I listed each movie I watched, cast and crew credits, and list of questions and details that eventually grew too long to maintain. Well, a brief description of each film follows, since the details of my movie journal are too grandiose for now.

Be Kind, Rewind I just watched last week, over the Christmas holiday. I rented it, and watched it at home on my sister's small TV. I think many movies lose their magic when not seen on the big screen, and this may have been one of them. Michel Gondry blew me away with Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind, and chamed me with Science of Sleep, but Be Kind Rewind felt unfinished or unexpectedly ordinary. I do love Mos Def, though, and Melonie Diaz.

I saw Penelope in the theater, and adored it, in spite of its obvious use of scrims to hide the copious make up used for Christina Ricci's snout. I loved the costumes, and exited the theater feeling hopeful, in spite of myself.

I watched The Visitor at home. I had high hopes for the film, having enjoyed Thomas McCarthy's The Station Agent a great deal. I expected the same quiet ease in humor, but received an awkward representation of illegal immigration.

Iron Man, well, I wanted to see it in the theater but never did. So Dad bought it to watch with Melanie and me. Melanie watched it one lazy afternoon, and then I watched it, leaving Dad with an unwatched DVD. I didn't like it much. I thought Terrance Howard's character simple, and the requisite evil middle eastern terrorists boring. I may have enjoyed it in the theater, or at least Robert Downey Jr's well-sculpted body and gleeful performance, but not much else.

Oh man, The Fall. The Fall grabbed me by the hair and shook me until rendered drunk. This is one of those movies that I loved so dearly that I feel like a dufus trying to describe why. I have never seen Tarsem Singh's The Cell, although I've heard surprisingly good things about the serial killer film starring Jennifer Lopez. I knew nothing of what The Fall promised to be, I only followed the excited advice of a friend, attended the movie with a crowd of friends, and stood dumbfounded outside the theater when it was over. A gleeful experiement in dream location shooting, storytelling, and historical drama, I wondered at first if the film was self-indulgent, but quickly came to the conclusion of "to hell with self-indulgent: the film is gorgeous!"

Wall-E was cute.

The Dark Knight felt somewhat protracted. I thought Heath Ledger was pretty awesome, but I like Christian Bale's Bruce Wayne far more than his Batman. Aaron Eckhardt grew on my because of his performance as Two Face, which felt all too short. Maggie Gyllenhaal, as much as I love her, is not much for playing damsels in distress.

Tropic Thunder was so stupid it made me mad.

I was a little worried about Burn After Reading. I had heard from others that it fell short of the Coen Brothers' mark, but I enjoyed it. I still quote Brad Pitt's "sensative shit" and am almost enamored of Tilda Swinton's harsh, androgynous beauty. John Malkovich still gives me the heebie jeebies though, which is probably his point.

I liked Synecdoche, NY; Charlie Kaufman is an innovative writer. But I probably won't remember much about it. Perhaps it was too complex for me.

Milk reinforced a burgeoning respect for Sean Penn and left me debating the relative qualities of Emile Hirsch (in Milk) and Shia LeBeouf (not in Milk, but in other films I've seen recently). Milk was successfully understated for a biopic.

The Spirit has left me (embarrassingly) eager to learn all about comic books. (Not helped by the fact that I'm currently reading The Amazing Adventures of Kavalier and Clay.) A movie I thought I'd hate because of the archetypal characters, but was easily convinced otherwise.

How exactly do I make a best of list? How do I make it anything more than a list of items that hit me at the right time, right place, mood and situation? I could compare my choices to those of otheres, but reading the criticisms of other people makes me mad because their choices are often as arbitrary as my own, and so many people present their favorite things as legitimate in spite of biases and subjectivity. Anyway, my Best of Films in 2008 are as follows: Penelope, The Fall, Milk. In no particular order, of course. Just a short list of films that affected me positively.

Friday, November 21, 2008

Nevertheless

So I've taken my first steps. Towards life, I suppose.

Last week, in utter frustration with my goals and decisions, I scratched out an application to the UWM graduate school non-degree program in business so I can take some classes for credit (mainly as refresher courses in math, since the last math class I took was affectionately called "Math Stupids".) I'm waiting to hear back about whether I'm officially accepted, I've requested a transcript from Hampshire, and I've picked out the courses I want. Business Math and an Entrepreneurship class, if I can take them.

What I've really been struggling with lately is this idea of a career and the image of myself as a working woman. It's very strange to go from the unfocused person that I was to making decisions that will affect my life in the long run; to go from puzzled Hampsire hippie to a girl in high heels and a button down shirt, and business school aspirations.

I try and remind myself that entrepreneurship is something very different from corporate business and there will certainly be awesome, inspiring and innovative people in whatever department and school I choose.

Nevertheless, it's weird.