Response or adendum to Women of Color and Beauty Carnival

I wrote this short script for a writing class I took last summer. And what made me think of it now was the Women of Color and Beauty carnival over at yennenga. I'm going to pop it in here. (Sure do wish anyone was reading this.)


...(cutting out some introduction stuff)...

Suzanne. It’s kind of weird.

Felicia. What is?

Suzanne. Dating Mark.

Felicia. Because we’ve known him so long?

Suzanne. No, not that. That’s a whole different kind of weird. I mean, the idea of dating a blond, blue-eyed white boy is a little strange.

Felicia. But it’s not like he’s some stereotypical white oppressor.

Suzanne. I know, but – I mean, he would have been my type 15 years ago.

Felicia. When we met him.

Suzanne. Yeah. You know, blonde, shuffling charm, musician.

Suzanne. All through high school, I was pursuing the white ideal of beauty, both for myself and from anyone I dated. But as I kept getting fobbed off, I had to conclude, for the sake of self-preservation, that not only were white boys not interested in this dark-haired, light-skinned, big-hipped halfie chick, but that I wasn’t interested in them.

Felicia. Or they just didn’t want to admit that they liked you.

Suzanne. Which is almost worse, because who wants to be the one that someone likes but doesn’t want to admit to. Almost like I’m a weakness.

Felicia. True.

(Mark enters.)

Mark. What are you talking about?

Felicia. You.

Mark. That’s good. What’s she saying?

Felicia. Nothing good.

Mark. Great. Did she tell you that I fart in my sleep and about my awful cigarette breath in the morning?

Felicia. And that you don’t wash yourself very well.

Mark. So the general conclusion is that I smell?

Felicia. Pretty much.

Mark. Wonderful.

Felicia. We were talking about how Suzanne tends to date guys who-

Mark. Smell bad?

Felicia. Exactly. What was that guy’s name from Chicago?

Mark. Paul? That guy was a tool.

Felicia. Wasn’t he?

Suzanne. Let’s not talk about Paul. Sometimes a girl can make a mistake.

Mark. And what a mistake he was.

Felicia. Always challenging everybody to philosophical debates.

Mark. Sometimes I just don’t want to think that hard.

Felicia. And he always made me feel so dumb.

Suzanne. And he smelled?

Mark. That was a hard relationship of yours for me to sit through.

Suzanne. Well, at least it made me realize how great you are, Mark.

Mark. Then I think we should thank Paul, don’t you think? Should be give him a call?

Felicia. I may still have his number written down somewhere.

Mark. Were you planning on giving him a call, Felicia?

Felicia. No, of course not.

Mark. I think you were. I think you were secretly attracted to his musk.

Felicia. His must, you mean?

Suzanne. You are the one who said that if you like the way a guy smells, it plays a major part in whether you like him or not.

Felicia. I did not like the way Paul smelled.

Mark. Liar.

Felicia. Alright. Fine. I’ve been calling him over once or twice a week after midnight.

Suzanne. So that’s what I’ve been hearing so late!

Mark. You mean smelling!

Suzanne. Yeah.

Mark. What were you actually talking about?

Felicia. You, nosy.

Mark. What about me?

Suzanne. I was saying how strange it is to be dating a white guy.

Mark. Why is that so weird?

Felicia. Because all white guys have-

Suzanne. Because I spent so many years chasing after the blue-eyed ideal, and just when I thought I had gotten over it, I start dating you.

Mark. Gotten over white men?

Suzanne. Yeah, I mean, I had to conclude that if they were not interested in me – or unwilling to admit it – then I was uninterested in them.

Mark. Why?

Felicia. Because white men especially have trouble admitting that they might be attracted to a woman of color, to a woman with curves.

Mark. I guess so. I mean, sometimes I think we’re the most indoctrinated by this idea of perfect and beauty.

Suzanne. And the creators of it. So you’ve created it-

Felicia. And you’re the victims of it.

Mark. But it’s not as if women don’t perpetuate it.

Suzanne. Oh, I know, but –

Felicia. Sometimes I think all the primp and care I put into my appearance in the morning is more for the benefit of other girls than it is to get the attention of men.

Suzanne. Oh definitely. Half the time, if a man compliments me on how I look, I think, “you creep.” But if a woman says something…

Felicia. I think, “sweet, she liked my sweater.”

Mark. So you can’t say women are unwilling victims of beauty standards.

Suzanne. Sure I can.

Mark. Why?

Suzanne. Because I’m a woman.

Felicia. And it’s different for us. Because we didn’t establish the standard. Just because some women choose to perpetuate it, doesn’t mean we all do.

Suzanne. And it doesn’t mean it’s fair.

Mark. Of course it’s not fair. But if it’s so unfair, shouldn’t you be fighting against it?

Suzanne. Are you fighting against it?

Felicia. He’s dating you, isn’t he?

Suzanne. So I’m a political decision? To thwart the establishment of beauty?

Mark. I don’t think of it that way. I think of it as, This girl is different.

Felicia. From the established order.

Mark. Yeah, but I don’t analyze it like that. That’s what –

Felicia. Girls do? You’re saying girls overanalyze things? If anything, guys underanalyze things, and that gets them in just as much trouble.

Mark. That’s not what I was getting at. You know that’s not –

Suzanne. The thing is, I do think about it that way. I’ve thought for a little while how much love is an intensely political decision. Political and almost revolutionary.

Mark. Really?

Suzanne. Yeah, I mean, think about it. There has been legislation on love for centuries. Every major government, society or culture establishes rules on who you can or can’t marry.

Mark. Who you can fuck.

Felicia. How you fuck. Look at the American government.

Suzanne. Don’t get me started on the American government. Until 40 years ago, my parents’ marriage was still illegal in some parts of the country. Interracial relationships have always been a problem, in every culture. Marrying across certain culture, caste, color lines scares the shit out of the “establishment.”

Felicia. Because by regulating who and how you love, they’ve potentially got control of the population.

Mark. How so?

Felicia. Oh, you can regulate (more here).

Mark. And you think this every time you enter into a potential relationship?

Suzanne. Not always, but eventually it comes up. I mean, lots of considerations go into involvement with another person. I think everyone at one point in their lives has wondered why they’re attracted to someone. But you can’t control who you love. You can try, and that’s where the politics come in. I think everybody thinks about love and the choices we make about love. I mean, I hope they do. Maybe I just think about it a lot more. Because I’ve had to.

Felicia. It’s like you’ve made a philosophy of love.

Mark. And you think about these things when you’re kissing me? About interracial relationships and gay marriage and caste?

Suzanne. Well, yeah, but especially interracial relationships.

Mark. Why?

Suzanne. Because every relationship I will ever have is interracial.

Mark. How do you mean?

Suzanne. Because I’m mixed, everyone else is like meeting across a line.

Mark. The race line?

Felicia. Unless you date a mixed guy.

Suzanne. He’d have to be Creole and Scots-Irish and Cherokee. And even then we’d be meeting across multiple lines.

Mark. But you could say that everyone meets across certain social barriers.

Felicia. They’re not barriers, per se. They’re –

Mark. Well, lines or whatever. Everyone has to deal with lines like class and religion and geography.

Felicia. And gender and sexuality.

Suzanne. I’m just saying that I think about it a lot.

Mark. Does it every hinder who you end up dating?

Suzanne. Oh god yes. It took me years to admit that I was attracted to you as a lover and not as a friend.

Mark. And all of this consideration went into why you didn’t want to be attracted to me? I wasn’t your type?

Suzanne. You were and then you weren’t, and I didn’t want to get hurt by another uncertain white boy.